


My Headcanon For Why Sherlock's Clothes Are So Tight

by OctarineSparks



Category: Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Meta (but really not), stupid thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 02:49:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1802578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctarineSparks/pseuds/OctarineSparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some clever people write well researched, well reasoned and in depth metas. I wrote, well, this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Headcanon For Why Sherlock's Clothes Are So Tight

**Author's Note:**

> I love metas. I do. I've read so many. But I really wanted to make one about something silly, because, well, I'm something silly. Not to be taken seriously. By anyone. Ever.

We are all familiar with Sherlock's attire of choice. Some of his items are so well known that they have their own nicknames, (Purple Shirt of Sex, anyone? And how can we forget the lovely Ear Hat?) But his clothes are also, if you will excuse the turn of phrase, uniform. Suit, coat, scarf, cheekbones. (Maybe not that last one.) Of course, there have been notable exceptions. The bed sheet, for when one is asked to attend the residence of royalty and therefore must look one's best, the three piece, for weddings-cum-mystery solving, and the scabby hoodie and baggy joggers, for blending in with your smack head friends. I'll excuse pyjamas, because it would be insane to wear a suit to bed. (The creasing alone would be a travesty). 

But Sherlock's suits are always a) worn without a tie, and b) a marvel of engineering. His button holes must be hemmed with titanium, because his clothes really are so very tight. Almost to the point of restrictiveness, were the man not so clearly collapsible. Sherlock doesn't so much as sit down as fold like a marionette whose strings have been cut. But why, why are they so tight?

Now, there is no denying that Sherlock is attractive. Benedict Cumberbatch can in all likelihood remove a persons underwear from fifty feet with just a look, so it's good news for all of us that he is such a gentleman, especially on laundry day. But Sherlock himself would have no reason to enhance his rather obvious sexual appeal with eye wateringly tight clothing. Yes, he has been known to use his charm to his advantage, but it is unlikely that he would dress to kill everyday, on the off chance that there is someone he can sex appeal a confession out of. (Series 4 - A murderer melts into a puddle of sexual frustration after Sherlock bends down to pick up a pen and confesses all. Case closed.)  
And yet he wears the same outfit every time he leaves the flat - for anything more than a seven. 

Is it perhaps comfort? Or making a statement? Possibly. He certainly looks a lot more imposing as a detective in sharp lines and straining buttons, as opposed to track suit bottoms and a shirt stained with tea. 

But there is one piece of evidence that has lead me to my main assumption of why his clothes are so tight: Mycroft buys them. 

For this evidence, we look not to the episodes but to the Case Book, the interesting and at points hilarious and heartbreaking tie in for the series. While a lot of it is factual, the cases themselves are interspersed with sticky notes, between Sherlock and John and a few other characters. 

But one sticky note in particular is very interesting. In their usual bickering about Sherlock's refusal to remember anything he deems useless, John replies that knowing your clothes size is not information that should be deleted. The implication is that Sherlock doesn't even know what size he is. 

And yet, in ASiB, Sherlock is able to deduce Irene's measurements perfectly, just by looking. So when he needs new clothes, why not just stand in his birthday suit in front of a full length mirror and work it out?

Well, because Sherlock likes to think of himself primarily as the squishy pink thing in his skull. Everything else is transport. And if it is just transport, why should he care about the paint job? Left to his own devices, it is entirely likely that Sherlock would wear a piece of clothing until it disintegrated off his shoulders like the dusty wrappings of an Egyptian mummy. 

Lucky for him, then, that we have Mycroft. Mycroft is clearly a man of very particular tastes, just like Sherlock. His waistcoat, tailored lines and umbrella are very much his trademarks. But unlike Sherlock, I believe that Mycroft actually cares a lot more about what he is wearing. He is often shown completing his outfit with minor cosmetic flourishes. A pocket watch, a ring. Not so Sherlock, who has to be coerced into wearing pants to meet the Queen. (He did neither). 

So Mycroft likes clothes. Sherlock may not know much about fashion, other than what he likes, but he knows that other people respond to being well-dressed, so who better to ask to buy his clothes than Mycroft, who for all his infuriating ways, is always very well turned out. (Can't have the British Government looking slovenly, can we, Brother Mine?)

But Mycroft and Sherlock are still brothers. Theirs is a rich relationship built on the foundations of intelligence, dedication to their work and of course, childish bickering. 

More than once have we seen Sherlock imply that Mycroft has wrestled with his weight. It is a sensitive issue, one that really shouldn't be made light of, but Sherlock is a work of fiction that parallels reality, and we all know how much reality sucks. Siblings take the piss out of each other for all manner of things, and physical appearance is certainly one of them. (Sexual experience, or a lack thereof, is also ripe for ridicule, as evidenced in ASiB).

So isn't it at all possible, that in an act of petty minded revenge, that Mycroft would deliberately buy Sherlock's clothes in sizes that are just a mite too small for him? 

"Clothes are looking a bit over burdened there little brother. Have you put on a few pounds?"

Of course, this falls flat for two reasons, and a secret third option. Firstly, Sherlock probably doesn't pay enough attention to notice his clothes groaning under protest, and secondly, Sherlock has clearly never had enough meat on him to make so much as a chicken McNugget. (Bonus opinion three, Sherlock actually looks damn fine in tight clothing.)

So Mycroft enacts his dastardly scheme, Sherlock doesn't notice, and those of us who are so inclined get to reap the benefits. 

In conclusion, I will say this. Mycroft Holmes, you are a credit to your country. (Even if in this instance you didn't mean to be).


End file.
